Candy Kirby
Oh, how things change…
10. First Pregnancy: You devour every single weekly pregnancy milestone update from BabyCenter.com and know exactly what kind of fruit/vegetable your baby currently resembles.
Second Pregnancy: “How far along am I? Um, let me see…maybe somewhere in the first trimester? Wait, no, third. I think.”
9. First Pregnancy: You diligently avoid all caffeine, alcohol, sushi and other supposed pregnancy no-nos.
Second Pregnancy: “Make it a DOUBLE ESPRESSO. And bring it up to the bathroom where I’m going to be snorting aspirin in a steaming hot bath. Thanks!”
8. First Pregnancy: “Yay! I’m starting to show!”
Second Pregnancy: “Oh, God. I’m starting to show. AND I’M ONLY ONE WEEK PREGNANT.”
7. First Pregnancy: You play French folk music and Learn Japanese CDs before going to sleep in hopes of giving birth to a multilingual genius with an IQ of 150.
Second Pregnancy: Screw the folk music. Nothing wrong with having a child of mediocre intelligence! Because, let’s face it, you want to go to sleep as soon as you can when you already have a child with another on the way.
6. First Pregnancy: You feel the baby kick around 20 weeks.
Second Pregnancy: You feel the baby kick around 12 weeks. And why is that? “Your muscles aren’t as strong the second time around, so you feel it more,” the OB says “helpfully.” SIGH A simple “you’re more in-tune with your body” would have sufficed, doc.
5. First Pregnancy: YOU: Guess what? I’m pregnant! FRIENDS & FAMILY: Yaaaaayyyy! This is the best news EVER!
Second Pregnancy: YOU: Guess what? I’m pregnant! FRIENDS & FAMILY: Huh. Was this planned?
4. First Pregnancy: You buy a ton of maternity clothes to show off that beautiful, blossoming bump.
Second Pregnancy: It’s all about sweatpants.
3. First Pregnancy: You have outdone yourself with the nursery, which is beautiful enough to be displayed in the pages of House Beautiful.
Second Pregnancy: You’re not even sure where you’re going to put the kid. Put a blanket in a dresser drawer, perhaps?
2. First Pregnancy: You rub cocoa butter on your stomach every day to avoid stretch marks.
Second Pregnancy: You quickly throw on your sweats to avoid looking at the stretch marks caused by your first pregnancy.
1. First Pregnancy: You and your baby are celebrated at a fun baby shower.
Second Pregnancy: You are lucky if you have the time to take a hot shower.
Join Mother Humor’s pregnancy humor page on Facebook for even more maternity-fueled laughs. And Mother Humor’s page for post-baby fun!
You must be logged in to post a comment.