10 Signs You Are the Second Child

As you know, Mother Humor is not always about making silly jokes — the cats and I also work tirelessly to raise awareness about devastating conditions afflicting families around the world.  Such as pacifier addiction.  And Fifty Shades of Grey Disorder.  And, of course, Second Child Syndrome.

Second Child Syndrome happens to be a cause that is near and dear to my heart because, you see, my son… well, I forget his name right now, but I’m sure it will come to me… was born with the all-too-common condition.  So, in the interest of helping other kids who wonder why the pages of their baby books are blank, here are some other telltale symptoms:

Top 10 Signs You Are the Second Child

#10 – Your mom’s “diaper bag” is her back pocket.

#9 –  You think pacifiers come packaged with lint and pet hairs.

#8 –  “Hand-puréed breakfast” = crushed Cheerios on the floor.

#7 – By the time your parents bother to come and pick you up from the crib in the morning, you could have read War and Peace from cover to cover.  Twice.

#6 – You think your name is “Hey you.”

#5 – Your parents have more pictures of the cats than of you.

#4 – Your first solid food was a basket of BBQ ribs.

#3 – You think the Imagination Movers are your babysitters.

#2 – All of the tags in your clothes have somebody else’s name written on them.

#1 – Your parents exclaim with surprise: “Hey, wait — when did you start walking?!”  Just as you’re about to accept your high school diploma.