For some people, sex during pregnancy is awesome! Intense! Joyful! For others…? Not so much. Check out these funny real-life stories from readers at BuzzFeed and WeddingBee about the awkwardness that can ensue when you’re trying to do the baby-bump-and-grind.
1. “I was a week overdue when my husband and I decided to use a sex toy. But after pulling it out of me, my husband stopped with a worried look on his face, saying there was blood and ‘a weird something’ else on it. I looked for myself and realized my mucus plug came out with it.”
“My husband was so grossed out that he jumped off me and ran away.”—valeriaw3
2. “While I was pregnant with my first, I got super nauseous, and without stopping the sex, just leaned over to the trash can next to the bed and vomited. Kinda killed the mood, though.”
—Steph Pavlic, Facebook
3. “My husband and I were in the middle of awkwardly positioned sex when the baby just started kicking like crazy! My belly was rippling with the imprints of tiny hands and feet. My husband and I looked at each other in horror! I yelled, ‘That’s it! I’m done!’ and he said, ‘Me too!’ We did nothing more than cuddle for the rest of the pregnancy.”
—raesquare
4. “I was 36 weeks pregnant when we were fooling around and I suddenly covered my partner in liquid. Naturally, I thought my water broke and we rushed to the hospital. Imagine how embarrassing it was to find out that I had only squirted on my partner! The nurse was in tears laughing!”
—annlovebuggb
5. “I was eight months pregnant and feeling hot, so I put on some lingerie from before I was pregnant to showcase my big ol’ boobs. But when things got hot and heavy, my boyfriend tried to take my top off and it got stuck – my belly was too big to push it down, and my boobs were too big to pull it up over my head. So I started to panic, my arms in the air, as he’s tugging and tugging, and then my boobs started leaking breast milk. Every time he tugged, I squirted. When he finally managed to get the top off, I was crying and we were both covered in sticky breastmilk. It was a major fail.”
—hla3118
6. “I was six months along, on top, and really enjoying myself when I started to orgasm and straight up peed on my boyfriend! He assumed I had just squirted, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him it was actually pee. So we finished up in the shower to cover my tracks.”
—amishgirl281
7. “I was six months pregnant, on top, and feeling a little self-conscious because my belly was really popping out at that point. I started sobbing right in the middle of sex, because I was sure I heard my partner laughing at me when he was actually just clearing his throat. Suffice it to say that the mood was killed for the night. Damn hormones.”
—karim40e9f9223
8. “Once at the end of my pregnancy with my first daughter, my husband could see our baby moving around in my belly during sex – he could even make out her little feet and knees. I had to put a blanket over my belly because it was making him nauseous.”
—fallaend
9. “The baby kicked my husband on top of this head while he was going down on me. Needless to say, we didn’t really do it much after that.”
—katiem442ab645b
10. “I didn’t know I was pregnant yet when we rented a cabin for a romantic birthday weekend. Things got sexy and we made our way to the bed, and I was on top of him when morning sickness struck for the first time. I ended up projectile vomiting all over him, myself, the bed, the nightstand, and the hallway as I stumbled towards the bathroom.”
—anasofias
11. “My water broke during sex. It was all over the place. My husband said it looked like a crime scene.”
—courtneym43f3b39dd
12. “My worried husband kept making me change positions, thinking we were suffocating the baby. We finally just gave up.”
—avbabsy
13. “A few weeks postpartum… I was on top of my boyfriend and as I climaxed, my boobs started spraying ALL over him, milk got everywhere. I felt like Mrs. Doubtfire when her boobs caught on fire and she was frantically trying to put them out. Yeah, that was me.”
—quarterhorse411
14. “Baby always kicks pretty hard, it’s like… OMG, he’s moving while we’re doin’ it! IT’S LIKE HE KNOWS!! So then I get all flustered and want to stop.”
—kmark2688
Candy Kirby
