6 Moms We’ve All Been (That Nobody Wants to Be)

You’ve had a long week, complete with sick kids, a husband on a business trip and — SOB! — no new episodes of MODERN FAMILY.  It’s no wonder you’re hitting the school fundraiser open bar extra hard.  And everything is fun when you’re the Mom Who Drank Too Much But Doesn’t Realize It Yet — until you become the Mom Who Wakes Up the Next Morning and Remembers Spilling Red Wine All Over the PTA President.  Which is how all of the parents will remember you from this point forward.  D’oh.

Of COURSE the only parking spot available during school drop-off is the small one right in front of the school, where EVERYONE can watch you try to parallel park in between the two Volvo SUVs.  Awesome.

Your boss gave you a last-minute assignment.  You hit every freakin’ red light.  You couldn’t find your car keys because your toddler decided they belonged in his toy chest.  Whatever the reason, all eyes accusingly swing your way when you rush into the auditorium at the very end of the kindergarten class’s performance of 3 Piggy Opera.  Hey, at least you’re there to cheer and clap!

We all have our breaking point.  It usually happens at the end of a crappy day, after the kids have managed to push every single one of our buttons.  At which point, all it takes is a kid kicking our chair to make us completely lose our sh*t: “IF YOU DON’T STOP KICKING MY CHAIR RIGHT NOW, I WILL DUCT-TAPE YOUR LEGS TO YOUR CAR SEAT, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!”

Not a proud moment, perhaps — but one to which we can all relate.

You know that moment when you get to school and your heart drops when you see EVERYONE is wearing crazy hats… except your kid?  Yup!  You missed the school spirit week memo.  Ugh.

The difference between perfectly golden pancakes and inedible trash is the 15 seconds you turned around to mediate a fight between the kids about who gets the coveted puppy fork.  But do they understand that?  NOPE!  Which is why you’re left scraping off the blackened edges and dumping the rest in a vat of syrup to disguise that charred taste.  Good morning to you, indeed!