Candy Kirby
If women’s magazines have taught us anything, it’s that age is just a number — a number that should TOTALLY dictate what you wear. Because it’s not about how the clothes make you feel about yourself; it’s about covering yourself in an AGE-APPROPRIATE fashion so you don’t gross out the world with your 40-something knees, thankyouverymuch.
Just in case the magazines haven’t drilled it into your head yet, here is the ironclad guide to WHAT TO WEAR IN YOUR 20S, 30S, 40S AND “JUST STICK A FORK IN YOU — YOU’RE OVER 50!”S
20s
Revel in this decade, dear 20something, because this is your only chance to flaunt that tight bod of yours without looking like an elderly prostitute. We don’t really care what you wear, as long as it’s tight, short and revealing — anything classier just would not be age-appropriate. So live it up now! Ignore bras and scoff at Spanx while you can! Your window of youth and fashion freedom is quickly shrinking. 🙁
30s
We’re just going to assume you’ve birthed a child and have entered the “Mom Years,” so we hereby request that you dress like it. Cut that hair. Kick off those heels. Cover that not-so-taut stomach. But, hey, you’re not dead yet so don’t be afraid to show a sliver of ankle skin with age-appropriate capris!
40s
Okay, hmmmm. The good news: you’re not in your 50s yet. The bad news: you ARE in your 40s. The best thing you can do at this point is cover yourself with an age-appropriate and comfortable jogging suit. Just because nobody wants to see your veiny thighs doesn’t mean you can’t be comfy!
50s and Beyond
To be honest, we don’t usually even address these years. Your generation may be be populous and vibrant and still invested in looking good, but our advertisers don’t care about you. So…best of luck!
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